Marry an Eph!

Words and Music by Gregory Crowther, Class of 1995

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One Sunday I did wobble on a hike to see Pine Cobble,
though the night before had rendered me halfdead.
The trail was fit for running, and the overlook was stunning,
but I could not comprehend the map I read.

And then, as I remember, came a bearded sage with tenure,
so I asked him if he knew the path ahead.
He paused, as if delighting in the theorem he’d be citing,
and when he finally spoke, here’s what he said:

Marry an Eph! [clap clap] Marry an Eph! [clap clap]
Your heart will heave with joie de vivre if you heed this motif!
At your work and in your ’hood, although your cohorts may be good
they’ll have nary an Eph. [clap clap] So marry an Eph! [clap clap]

Well, no one likes a teaser, so I fled the ancient geezer,
and went home as fast as safety would allow.
His counsel had no purchase in my grand, heroic searches
for a partner worthy of a wedding vow,
In lands across the NESCAC, ev’ry prospect was a setback,
each one raising not by spirits but my brow.
And then, escaping deftly from the children of Lord Jeff’ry,
I met a very special Purple Cow.

Marry an Eph! [clap clap] Marry an Eph! [clap clap]
Your heart will heave with joie de vivre if you heed this motif!
At your work and in your ’hood, although your cohorts may be good
they’ll have nary an Eph. [clap clap] So marry an Eph! [clap clap]